Stacey Dash: Never Trust a Creepy Porn Lawyer

Creepy porn lawyer Michael Avenatti has become a fixture in the mainstream media while his porn star client, Stormy Daniels, performed countless lap dances in seedy strip clubs throughout America. While she was being arrested for touching undercover vice officers in Ohio, Avenatti was “touching” CNN viewers with his silver tongue, slithering his way into legitimacy through countless TV appearances as the voice of the “Resistance.”

Then something bizarre happened: as his unfortunate client exchanged sexualized performances for money, the creepy porn lawyer became a fixture of today’s Democrat Party–to the point where mainstream Democrats and their reporter pals started viewing him as a potential presidential candidate.

The natural suspicions reasonable people would have about a creepy porn lawyer were lost as he pushed 25th Amendment impeachment delusions and Trump-Russia conspiracy theories on CNN. The more Democrats and their media enablers succumbed to Trump Derangement Syndrome, the more it seemed like a creepy porn presidential nominee was possible in 2020.

Then Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh was accused of groping someone during a high school party 36 years ago. The accuser forgot where and when it happened, four witnesses denied seeing or hearing anything about the incident, and she never even mentioned Kavanaugh by name until after he was nominated to SCOTUS. Evidence notwithstanding, the creepy porn pundit dutifully made the rounds to defame Kavanaugh and play the role of unlikely feminist hero.

But as sexist men stuffed Stormy’s G-string with filthy $1 bills, the creepy porn presidential hopeful played second fiddle to Christine Blasey Ford’s attorney, Debra Katz, who once said Clinton accuser Paula Jones had “no case” (which later settled for $850,000) and also defended Al Franken’s groping. Being well-handled by a hypocrite herself, Ford already had a way to make all of her unreasonable demands to the Senate, such as refusing to fly to Washington due to “fear” of enclosed spaces (after somehow doing a post-grope internship in Hawaii) and demanding that Kavanaugh testify before she does, so that Kavanaugh won’t know the details of the accusation while an admitted high school groper and Spartacus impersonator, Sen. Cory Booker, rages at him about groping someone like Booker did himself:

As Dr. Ford’s bizarre requests and lack of supporting witnesses seemed to spell the doom of her case against Kavanaugh, the creepy porn lawyer got a call from a new Kavanaugh victim, who he claimed is a U.S. Mint employee and “100% credible.” According to Avenatti, the new accuser claims that Kavanaugh and his friend Mark Judge would gang rape women at parties and had run a “train” on her, taking turns having involuntary sexual intercourse. This new and improved accuser would also solve the mysterious code in Kavanaugh’s yearbook about the letter “f,” which had several hidden sexual meanings that sounds vaguely pornographic.

While this ménage a trois, sans consent, story probably sounded “100% credible” and “100% familiar” to a creepy porn lawyer, it seemed a little strange that these guys were running a rape gang at parties, and that no one reported it until now.

And then a guy on 4 Chan said it was all just a creepy porn prank that he and his girlfriend played on Avenatti. They discontinued the prank after she became “bored and scared” once Stormy’s lawyer offered her $75,000 to provide an “exclusive” interview to fake news CNN. Avenatti quickly locked his Twitter account sometime after this came out:

After getting punked, the creepy porn pawn came out and said his accuser client is someone who totally isn’t on 4 Chan, and that she’s still super credible, and that she will come out in public “within 36 hours,” which just happens to be on Thursday morning, which just happens to be the moment the hearing starts, assuming Kavanaugh’s other questionable accusers even show up.

Anyone who listens to creepy porn people who promise to parade surprise victims on the morning of a hearing is, in the words of Sen. Chuck Grassley, playing “second trombone.”

It’s time to stop getting played and start voting. These people are ridiculous.

Note: The author of this article has included commentary that expresses an opinion and analysis of the facts.

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